Tag Archives: adoptees

Adoptees Support the Abolition of Adoption?

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Adoption Mosaics’s November 9 “We the Experts”panel will feature adoptees who favor the abolition of adoption.

This has to be among the most complex issues in adoption, which overflows with complexity. It’s not a simple issue nor an easy conversation. I know many adoptees who favor abolition. Some had terrible experiences because of adoption. Some love their adoptive family and hate the adoption industry. Some see adoption’s complicity with capitalism and imperialism, along with white saviorism, as more than enough reason to abolish adoption.

And it’s not because they want children to languish, to be unsafe, to die in orphanages, to be aborted, or to suffer in any way. Ideas like family preservation, adequate resources, legal guardianship, systemic change, the dynamics of power and privilege, organized abandonment, and more, I imagine, will be discussed.

These are my ruminations. The best approach is, of course, to hear from the experts, the adoptees themselves.

This Saturday, November 9, you have the chance to do just that. I will be there. We non-adoptees don’t talk or ask questions or make comments—we agree to listen and learn. Whatever connection you have to adoption, please join this conversation. You can register here.

The notion of abolishing adoption is a tough one for many folks; at the same time, it is increasing in the adoption community. “Abolition” is itself is a term that raises controversy and confusion, along with “reparations.” These words need to be parsed thoughtfully; all have nuance and depth.

I have no doubts the panelists—JinYoung Kim, Lina Vanegas, Marly Osma de Forest, and Schai Schairer—will be passionate, insightful, and challenging. As de Forest says on the Adoption Mosaic IG page, this will be an opportunity “to spend time with other adoptees imagining more expansive, holistic, and trauma-informed practices of care that do not demand severance and possession.”

Full disclosure: I am a consultant at Adoption Mosaic, an adoptee-led, adoptee-centric organization providing resources and support to all members of the adoption constellation.

National Adoptee Awareness Month (Formerly National Adoption Month)

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In 1976, Gov. Dukakis of Massachusetts designated the first week of November as Adoption Week, an effort to increase adoptions from foster care. In 1984, President Ford proclaimed Adoption Week a national event. In 1998, President Clinton declared November as “National Adoption Month.”

The month has thus had many iterations, as have attitudes about it. More recently, the month has been recast as National Adoptee Awareness Month, by Grace Newton (a Chinese adoptee) writing here in Red Thread Broken, by Shane Bouel, an adoptee writing on Medium “Taking Back National Adoptee Awareness Month, and via Astrid Castro, a Colombian adoptee and founder of Adoption Mosaic, speaking on Instagram.

Last November, The Rumpus devoted its November issue to adoptee-focused essays to reclaim National Adoptee Awareness Month.

While those examples are current, this effort to reframe the month has been going on for at least ten years.

In 2014, Korean adoptee Rosita Gonzalez of Lost Daughters created a #flipthescript campaign on Twitter. That campaign generated a significant video in 2014, “Adoptees ‘Flip the Script’ on National Adoption Month,” via (and including) Angela Tucker of The Adopted Life. Full disclosure: I know, love, and admire many of the speakers.

U.S. adoptee Laura Barcella wrote about the video and the efforts to reframe National Adoption Month in the New York Times: “Adoptees Like Me ‘Flip the Script’ on the Pro-Adoption Narrative.”

Be sure also to check out this resource: “Flip the Script: Adult Adoptee Anthology (The AN-YA Project,” described on Amazon as “a dynamic artistic exploration of adoptee expression and experience. This anthology offers readers a diverse compilation of literature and artistry from a global community of adoptees. From playwrights to poets, filmmakers to photographers, essay writers to lyricists —all have joined together inside these pages to enlighten and educate.”

This month, if you are reading and learning about adoption, be sure to see who is speaking: is it an adoptee? Or is it an adoptive parent or adoption agency? Focus on learning from adult adoptees first.

Adoptee Remembrance Day

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Today is Adoptee Remembrance Day, designed to honor and remember adoptees who have died, who have been deported, who are survivors of the Troubled Teen Industry, who are incarcerated, who have been abandoned after being adopted, and those dealing with mental illness and/or substance abuse. We honor and remember all the forms of loss in the adoption community.

I realize there are also often gains in adoption. That aspect is in the forefront of the popular narrative around adoption. The losses are often seen as overstated, ungrateful, or not-to-be-mentioned.

The losses, though, are real. Acknowledging them means that we can see a full picture of adoption, and we can help folks in our community who may be struggling.

In the words of Pamela Karanova, a U.S. adoptee who founded Adoptee Remembrance Day, “While our primary goal is to uplift the legacy of those who are no longer with us, we also seek to share the truth of how adoption has impacted each of us. October 30th is our day of truth, transparency, and remembrance—a day for adoptees around the world to come together and be seen.”

What can you do to observe this day? Pause and reflect on the complexity of adoption, and the losses that should be acknowledged. There are many suggestions here. You can read books, blogs, and articles by adoptees; journal about those who are not with us; if you are in the U.S., contact your U.S. federal representatives asking for support of the Adoptee Citizenship Act; pause for a moment of silence for adoptees who have died; donate to organizations that support adoptees (Adoptees United, Ethiopian Adoption Connection, Adoptees Connect; Adoptees For Justice: there are many).

Adoptee Remembrance Day is “a beacon of awareness, remembrance, and solidarity.” Deep gratitude to those who work tirelessly to help and support adopted people around the globe.

Korean Birth Mother Sues Holt Agency and Government of Korea for Wrongful Adoption of Her Daughter

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Han Tae-soon is 70 years old. She says that in 1976, her four-year-old daughter was wrongfully sent to the United States for adoption.She is now suing the Holt Adoption agency as well as the government of South Korea.

Per the Associated Press article, this is the “first known case of a Korean birth parent suing for damages against the government and an adoption agency over the wrongful adoption of their child.”

From the article: “Han accuses Holt Children’s Services, South Korea’s biggest adoption agency, of facilitating (her daughter Laurie) Bender’s adoption without checking her background. Her lawyers said the Jechon Children’s Home made no effort to find the parents after Bender was placed at the facility by police in May 1975, a day after Han reported her as missing. 

In her adoption papers, Bender, named Shin Gyeong-ha at birth, is described as an abandoned orphan with no known parents. Under a new Korean name made by the orphanage, Baik Kyong Hwa, she was sent to the United States in February 1976. 

“For 44 years, I wandered and searched for my child, but the joy of meeting her was only momentary and now I am in so much pain because we can’t communicate in the same language,” Han said, fighting back tears. 

“It turns out they didn’t make an effort to find her clearly existing parents and instead disguised her as an orphan for adoption abroad. I want the government and Holt to explain to us how this happened.” 

The AP article notes that “In 2019, Adam Crapser became the first Korean adoptee to sue the South Korean government and an adoption agency for damages, accusing them of mishandling his adoption to the United States, where he faced legal troubles after surviving an abusive childhood before being deported in 2016.

After four years of hearings, the Seoul Central District Court last year ordered Crapser’s adoption agency, Holt, to pay him 100 million won ($74,000) in damages for failing to inform his adopters they needed to take separate steps to obtain his citizenship after his adoption was approved by a state court. 

However, the court dismissed Crapser’s accusations against the Korean government over alleged monitoring and due diligence failures. The case is now with the Seoul High Court after both Crapser and Holt appealed.”

Lawsuits like these in Korea and elsewhere can take a long time to work their way through the system. I hope that Adam Crapser, Han Tae-soon, and her daughter find justice.

A New Adoptee-Therapist, Specializing in Adoption, Eating Disorders, and More

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I’ve known Aselefech Evans since 1994, when she arrived for adoption in the United States from Ethiopia. She and her twin sister are my beloved daughters. Through the years, I have seen Aselefech grow and work hard, always staying true to herself, her family (around the globe), her heritage, her empathy, and her compassion.

She is now available as a therapist, and I have no doubts she will bring insights, understanding, and resources to those with whom she works.

She “leans on somatics (body-based therapy), meditation, and ancestral exploration while drawing from Cognitive Behavioral therapy and Mindfulness…tools which have transformed her own healing and sense of belonging.”

She is in the process of setting up her private practice, which is exciting. Meanwhile, she is currently available to see clients through Alluvial Counseling, taking major insurances.

Aselefech works with youth 16+ and adults. She has a particular interest and expertise supporting people impacted by family separation, adoption, immigration, eating disorders, racial trauma, grief, workplace burnout, anxiety, and depression, and those impacted by oppression such as racism, ableism, sexism, classism, queerphobia, and fatphobia. 

Aselefech received her Bachelor’s in Sociology with a focus in Black Studies from Bowie State, a Historically Black College in Bowie, MD. In 2022, she completed her MSW with an emphasis in Integrative Health and Mental Health from the University of Washington, Seattle, WA.

She can be booked through Psychology Today and Alluvial Counseling.

I am, of course, very proud of Aselefech. Beyond my personal perspective, having an empathetic, Black, immigrant, adoptee, woman, insightful, knowledgable therapist in the community is wonderful beyond words.

Upcoming “Seasoned Parents” Class From Adoption Mosaic: Join Us!

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Adoption has its own rhythm through our lifetimes, depending where we are in the constellation. There’s certainly no magic ending to issues when a child turns 18; legal adulthood can look very different from the emotional and psychological realities.

In fact, as adopted people and adoptive parents get older, many new issues can emerge. Our understanding of what adoption means can change over time, as well as our lens on parenting. Our adopted children may become parents themselves, and that can raise significant new thoughts. The role of race in the case of transracial adoptions can become more pointed as our children are out in the world, and as they reflect on their childhood experiences.

I, for one, am constantly learning and growing and striving to do better, even as my children are in their 30’s and I have 3 grandchildren.

I also have the honor to co-facilitate Adoption Mosaic’s Seasoned Parents class, a 6-week program start October 16, for adoptive parents whose children are over 18. My co-facilitators are Adoption Mosaic’s founder Astrid Castro, an adoptee from Colombia, and Katie Christians, a U.S. adoptee with extensive experience in Adoption Mosaic youth groups, panels, and programs.

Maureen McCauley (L) and
Katie Christians (R)

From the website:

“Need help trying to figure out how adoption plays a part in your family now that your kids are adults?

In this course, participants will:

  • Reflect on why we chose adoption, and what we have learned over decades of raising children; 
  • Dig into the challenges of talking about race, the adoption industry, gratitude, anger, adoption fog, search, and reunion; and
  • Practice talking about these adoption issues with our adult children and with others, in ways that are clear, respectful, and helpful.”

The Devastating Loss of Michaela DePrince

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Like so many others, I am terribly sad to hear that Michaela DePrince has died at the much too young age of 29.

She was a survivor of war in Sierra Leone, an adoptee to the United States, and an astonishingly talented ballet dancer. She was a role model and trailblazer.

The cause of death has not been stated by her family at this point.

A 2019 interview with Paper magazine was titled “Michaela DePrince: The Dancer Destigmatizing Mental Health.” Michaela said, “Ballet is part of who I am. I grew up not feeling good enough and thinking that no one would ever love me enough to be adopted.” She jokes, “I literally chose an art form that foster the same sort of you’re not good enough environment.”

As someone involved with the dance and adoption communities, I found her words familiar, if not chilling.

She went on to talk about her hopes of becoming a human rights lawyer or building an arts school in Sierra Leone.

She also said this: “There’s definitely more to my story than what people talk about. When I’m performing or speaking, I only have a certain amount of time to express myself. I think people see and hear my story as a whole, but can’t really understand most aspects of it or see just how important adoption is.”

Adoption can be so complicated.

Michaela’s adoptive mother, Elaine DePrince, apparently also passed away this week. Incredible sorrow for that family. May they find comfort and healing.

May she rest in power and in peace. Deep condolences to her family, friends, and all those who admired and loved her, in the adoption world, the dance world, and all around the globe.

Photo by Wikkie Hermkens

What Should Adoptive Parents Do About Adoptees’ Often Absent Medical Histories?

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“International adoption leads to family health mysteries.” That’s the title of an important article which I believe we adoptive parents need to ponder and act on. I’d argue that adoption generally can lead to medical mysteries, since often there is little or no medical history provided to the adopted person.

As an adoptive parent, I filled out forms at the pediatricians’ office for my children when they were little. I’d include whatever info I had for each child, and then put N/A on many items. In truth, it didn’t seem like a big deal to me at the time.

I’ve learned so much over the years. It’s a very big deal.

Now that my children are adults, now that two are parents themselves, I see how much uncertainty, frustration, suffering, and hardship emerge from not knowing one’s medical history.

I didn’t know some 35 years ago that I could have and should have advocated doggedly for the information. While I can’t change the past, I can speak out about ways to do better now.

I hope that any prospective and new adoptive parents will do so. Get all the medical information—physical and mental—that you can about the child’s family (parents, grandparents, cousins, siblings, everyone).

Make sure your child’s doctor knows about (and uses) the Comprehensive Health Evaluation of the Newly Adopted Child, from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Tell your pediatrician that you know her job is harder because there is not a complete medical history. Ask that she talk with her colleagues about not being complacent and accepting of this ethical inequity.

For adoptive parents whose children are still minors, check with your agency (or even better, the birth family) as to any new medical developments over time, including years after placement.

What can those of us with adult adopted children do?

  • Apologize for not having been a better advocate when they were little.
  • Become educated about direct-to-consumer genetic testing, such as AncestryDNA and 23AndMe. I gave my children DNA testing kits several years ago. I’ve learned lots since then.

The kits can be helpful. They can help locate relatives, sometimes. They can provide some medical information.

They have limitations and constraints. They can open unexpected doors, and evoke unexpected reactions and emotions. They can place private information into huge corporate databases. They can provide information used by law enforcement entities. (Police Are Getting DNA Data From People Who Think They Opted Out; Racial Disparities in Databanking of DNA Profiles; Your DNA Test Could Send a Relative to Jail.)

  • So: do your reading and knowledge-gathering about DNA testing. Be available and supportive to your adult adopted son or daughter, as objectively and lovingly as possible without interfering or judging.

Per the article: Share goals with your doctor. Do all routine screenings. Follow up with a genetic counselor and genetic testing at a hospital or clinic.

  • Help your children pay for these expensive tests and counseling, if your child is open to that.

Many of these genetic tests and the attendant counseling costs are not covered by insurance. That means that, as happens too often, many adopted people are unable to access what is a basic human and civil right: their own medical information.

Consider this an opportunity if not obligation to provide financial assistance so that your adult children can have that information.

Here are some additional articles to consider:

What It’s Like to Fill in the Gaps in Your Health History When You’re Adopted

When Adoptees Uncover Their Medical History

Learning Your Family Medical History as an Adoptee

The Harsh Reality of Living Without Any Medical History

Genetic Testing in Adoption

Family Health Histories: Invaluable for Adoptees’ Medical Care and Self-Identity

A Tough Topic, An Important New Book: Adoption and Suicidality

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A valuable, vital new book is being released today: Adoption and Suicidality: An Anthology of Stories, Poems, and Resources for Adoptees, Families, Health Care Professionals, and Allies.

Congratulations to the editors and contributors. I hope the book gets widespread distribution, as it tackles an often overlooked subject in the adoption community.

I’ve had the privilege of reading the book. I am deeply moved by each essay and poem. While I know several of the contributors, I did not know all the powerful stories. The voice of each writer and contributor—whether an adopted person, a birth/first parent, or an adoptive parent—brings deeply valuable insights.

Thank you to Beth Syverson and Joey Nakao, the team that has brought the book into publication. Beth hosts the podcast Unraveling Adoption. Beth (an adoptive parent) and Joey (her son, adopted from Japan) have shared their journey together for years, in the hope that they can help other families understand and cope with the challenges of addiction, adoption, and suicidality.

The book will be available on Amazon and other sources. There will be a Book Launch event on August 24, featuring “several of the book’s 17 authors who will share their experiences and insights on adoption and its impact on mental health.”

May this new book continue the important and hard conversations ended in the adoption community. May all those struggling find resources, healing, and understanding.

Update on Noah Bevin, Ethiopian Adoptee, and the “Troubled Teen” Industry

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The Lexington Herald reported yesterday afternoon that “Noah” Bevin, the Ethiopian adopted son of Kentucky ex-governor Matt Bevin, has been in the U.S. since May, in a “new placement outside of Kentucky.” Noah (a pseudonym since he is a minor, 17 years old) had been named a ward of Jamaica when his adoptive parents failed to show up at a court hearing after the Jamaican school where Noah had been placed was raided and closed down due to allegations of abuse.

More information about the Atlantis Leadership Academy in Jamaica and about Noah’s situation is available from this Sunday Times article, from this Kentucky Lantern article, and from my August 5 post, “What Has Happened to the Ethiopian Son Adopted by Former Kentucky Governor Bevin?”

There are still many questions remaining. The former governor and his wife have not yet commented, according to several news articles.

Many people in the adoption community have expressed great concern for Noah, and for the over-represented adoptees in placement settings. Pamela Karanova, a Kentucky adoptee, has created a Facebook page titled “Adoptee Survivors of the Troubled Teen Industry.” The focus of the page is to speak out for Noah, and for adoptees to share stories and shed light on the experiences of adoptees in residential settings. Karanova is very active in the adoptee community via Adoptees Connect; Grieve, Grow, Glo Grief Recovery Adoptee Workshops; Adoptee Remembrance Day, and more.

I hope Noah is genuinely safe, and that he finds the resources he needs for healing.