I say “provocative” because of the way this book made me think, contemplate, and learn. Those yellow sticky notes mark the times I was struck by a sentence or an event in this powerful new book by Abenet L. Joel.
I hope that other adoptive parents will purchase and read the book, certainly to support the vulnerable, valuable writing of an adopted person, and also to listen to the voice of someone who has lived an extraordinary life. Certainly I hope adoptees and others in the adoption community purchase and read it, as well as anyone interested in reading a riveting memoir.
Abenet was adopted as a little boy from a hard life in Ethiopia to a horrifying one in a deeply disturbed adoptive family in the Netherlands.
It’s not news to me how abusive and violent adoptive parents can be. I applaud Abenet for presenting his truth, with all the bitter memories and reasons to be enraged–yet he has managed to often offer a view of understanding and discerning distance.
The world of Abenet’s childhood was cruelty, confusion, and survival skills. Abenet went to boarding schools, to foster families, to strangers, and to the occasional kind person. In the course of his life, he has spent time in the Netherlands, Egypt, the United States, Indonesia, Mexico, and, of course, his homeland of Ethiopia. He yearned for years to know the truth of his origins. As a young adult, he navigated his first trip back to Addis alone. Through both missteps and odd luck, he reconnected with his large family there, speaking English though not Amharic. He is, of course, fluent in Dutch as well.
Abenet’s writing about his search and reunion is poignant and vulnerable: so much complexity in creating bridges with people to whom he is biologically related, including parents, grandparents, siblings, and more! He is the child of a Christian father and a Muslim mother; the families have different standards of wealth, food, warmth, understanding. Abenet’s observations about the beauty and poverty of Ethiopia, along with the cultural nuances, are insightful.
The tone throughout the book, and perhaps throughout his life, is even, factual, almost (though not always) matter of fact. This is true when he writes about starting college by himself (no parents or friends sending him off), about seasons of homelessness, about selling drugs among some smart if scary people, about witnessing prostitution and trafficking, about handling a love affair, about global travel to unfamiliar places, about suicide and suicidal ideation, and about striking up conversations with strangers who change his life.
And all this by 33 years of age.
“Against All Odds” is written in third person. Here are some (of many) salient excerpts.
When he was headed for his first return trip to Addis, by himself: Yesterday, he had checked the list. Toilet paper, all sorts of medicine, even a raincoat and umbrella, he had packed them all. He had heard there could be heavy rains in Addis. He also didn’t worry about finding his father in that big city. With a trust that seemed almost reckless to strangers, he surrendered to his dreams and visions.
When he meets his Ethiopian father: Suddenly, he felt the man’s arms around him. Numbly, he returned the embrace. They held on to each other, heart to heart. Their hearts exchanged information which would make no sense if words had tried to capture it.
When he meets his Ethiopian mother: He heard a sudden deluge of words in Amharic, alternating with loud sobbing. There was only one word he could place: ‘Fuad.’ Could that be his real name?
There wasn’t much time to think about it. He felt his throat drying up; he couldn’t utter a word. He had looked forward to this moment so much, and now his ability to speak had abandoned him.
The only thing he could do was absorb the sounds of his biological mother into his soul as deeply as possible.
And one of many powerful sentences:
Some kinds of suffering cannot be shared with others, and the consequences of that suffering cannot always be understood by those who have never experienced it.
And these thoughts, from someone who spent much of his life alone, unguided, in danger, unsupported by others:
I learned that dreams are to be taken seriously…I also learned that despite the extremes of despair, wandering, the loss of parents, and even living a life deeply judged by society, there is a presence that guides without conditions. I do not have a perfect word for it…To me, it is the sense of true spirituality: a quiet certainty that we are never entirely alone.
We can lose everything and receive everything back again. When we understand this, we no longer cling to outcomes…And sometimes the smallest victory carries more meaning than the greatest success.
He closes the book “With gratitude, Abenet.“
I am grateful you wrote this book, Abenet, as painful as perhaps it was to put voice to it. The story evokes a visceral response, in its recollection of cruelties. It also evokes a sense of wonder and hope, even of inspiration in its way. May others learn from your journey. May you continue to stay strong and share your truth.
Order Against All Odds on Amazon.
Abenet Joel’s social media: Facebook. Instagram.
From his Instagram:
A personal note: Abenet is one of our writers in Lions Roaring Far From Home: An Anthology by Ethiopian Adoptees. We are thrilled that he has published a book of his own.
