Tag Archives: adoptees connect

Adoptee Remembrance Day

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Today is Adoptee Remembrance Day, designed to honor and remember adoptees who have died, who have been deported, who are survivors of the Troubled Teen Industry, who are incarcerated, who have been abandoned after being adopted, and those dealing with mental illness and/or substance abuse. We honor and remember all the forms of loss in the adoption community.

I realize there are also often gains in adoption. That aspect is in the forefront of the popular narrative around adoption. The losses are often seen as overstated, ungrateful, or not-to-be-mentioned.

The losses, though, are real. Acknowledging them means that we can see a full picture of adoption, and we can help folks in our community who may be struggling.

In the words of Pamela Karanova, a U.S. adoptee who founded Adoptee Remembrance Day, “While our primary goal is to uplift the legacy of those who are no longer with us, we also seek to share the truth of how adoption has impacted each of us. October 30th is our day of truth, transparency, and remembrance—a day for adoptees around the world to come together and be seen.”

What can you do to observe this day? Pause and reflect on the complexity of adoption, and the losses that should be acknowledged. There are many suggestions here. You can read books, blogs, and articles by adoptees; journal about those who are not with us; if you are in the U.S., contact your U.S. federal representatives asking for support of the Adoptee Citizenship Act; pause for a moment of silence for adoptees who have died; donate to organizations that support adoptees (Adoptees United, Ethiopian Adoption Connection, Adoptees Connect; Adoptees For Justice: there are many).

Adoptee Remembrance Day is “a beacon of awareness, remembrance, and solidarity.” Deep gratitude to those who work tirelessly to help and support adopted people around the globe.

Adoptees Connect: NAAM

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This is day 14 of National Adoption Awareness Month, so this is my daily post to amplify the voices of adoptees.

Adoptees Connect is an adoptee-led way for adult adoptees to connect. From their Facebook page: “This group is designed to be a safe space for adoptees to gather and share their experiences regarding their individual adoption journeys. We believe that being adopted can come with its own set of complexities that only another adoptee can truly understand. Through Adoptees Connect Groups, adult adoptees are able to empower one another through  encouragement, community,  as well as a concrete place to find their voices as they navigate their adoptee journeys together. 

Through our collective efforts, we strive to bring hope & healing to as many adoptees as possible by building lifelong connections between those who understand. Our goal is to let every adoptee know that they aren’t alone and the way they feel is very normal amidst a not-so-normal situation.”

The founder of Adoptees Connect is Pamela Karanova, an adoptee from Kentucky. Her vision in creating this organization was “to build person-to-person communities that provide validating spaces for Adult Adoptees. At Adoptees Connect, we focus on putting adoptee voices first by creating a safe and valuable adoptee-centric space, created by and for adoptees, where their voices can meet and be heard. In January 2018, the first connect groups were planted in Lexington, KY.

The groups stray away from the traditional support group model by placing a larger emphasis on building strong, healthy relationships with other adoptees. In just two short years, 45 connect groups have been planted in 42 cities and 27 states. It’s the hope of Adoptees Connect, Inc. to plant a group in every city, in every state in the country. This way, anywhere an adoptee might go, they will always have a community to fall back on. Our groups are designed to take online relationships offline, and to get to know the person behind the profile.”

Obviously the pandemic has caused changes in the ability for folx to gather in person. Here’s hoping that everyone stays healthy, and can get together via Zoom if not on person.

More information, including Pam’s blog posts, is available on Adoptee Connect’s Facebook page.

Visit www.adopteesconnect.com for details!

Adoptee Remembrance Day: Today

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The last couple years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of adult adoptees writing blogs, speaking at conferences, posting on Facebook and Instagram, creating groups, and otherwise sharing the truths of their lived experiences and professional qualifications. There have, of course, been adult adoptees vibrantly active in adoption for decades: their voices, however, were often drowned out by the dominant force of adoptive parents. That is changing, and that is wonderful.

Today is Adoptee Remembrance Day, an event created by Adoptees Connect. I applaud Pamela Karanova for her incredible hard work, including the way she has partnered with many other amazing adoptees and adoptee-led organizations.

Adoptee Remembrance Day is a day to reflect on loss in adoption. The traditional narrative is the warm, fuzzy version of orphans finding loving, forever homes: end of story. The reality is far more complex. Many adoptees were not orphans at all. Some ended up in brutal, abusive homes. Many struggle with grief, trauma, and depression, including those with loving adoptive families. There can be a lot of love in adoption: there can be a lot of sorrow as well, and we must acknowledge that.

So today, on Adoptee Remembrance Day, we have an opportunity to reflect on the complexity of adoption from the perspective of the experts: adult adoptees.

We can remember adoptees who have died by suicide, a painful reality. We can remember and honor adoptees who have died at the hands of their adoptive parents. (I’ve written often about Hana Williams, the Ethiopian adoptee whose adoptive parents we’re convicted for her murder.) We can act to help provide citizenship for all international adoptees, and to end the deportation of adoptees. We can listen to adoptees, and rise their voices.

I invite my fellow adoptive parents, and everyone in and out of the adoption community, to join me in spending time today listening and learning about Adoptee Remembrance Day.

Here is the link to the Adoptee Remembrance Day site.You will find loads of information, an incredible agenda, podcasts, music, and more. I am deeply grateful to everyone who is speaking out on this important day. These adult adoptees are sharing their genuine and profound truths. May this be another big step toward creating adoption policies that are fair, transparent, and focused on adoptees.