Today is Adoptee Remembrance Day, designed to honor and remember adoptees who have died, who have been deported, who are survivors of the Troubled Teen Industry, who are incarcerated, who have been abandoned after being adopted, and those dealing with mental illness and/or substance abuse. We honor and remember all the forms of loss in the adoption community.

I realize there are also often gains in adoption. That aspect is in the forefront of the popular narrative around adoption. The losses are often seen as overstated, ungrateful, or not-to-be-mentioned.

The losses, though, are real. Acknowledging them means that we can see a full picture of adoption, and we can help folks in our community who may be struggling.

In the words of Pamela Karanova, a U.S. adoptee who founded Adoptee Remembrance Day, “While our primary goal is to uplift the legacy of those who are no longer with us, we also seek to share the truth of how adoption has impacted each of us. October 30th is our day of truth, transparency, and remembrance—a day for adoptees around the world to come together and be seen.”

What can you do to observe this day? Pause and reflect on the complexity of adoption, and the losses that should be acknowledged. There are many suggestions here. You can read books, blogs, and articles by adoptees; journal about those who are not with us; if you are in the U.S., contact your U.S. federal representatives asking for support of the Adoptee Citizenship Act; pause for a moment of silence for adoptees who have died; donate to organizations that support adoptees (Adoptees United, Ethiopian Adoption Connection, Adoptees Connect; Adoptees For Justice: there are many).

Adoptee Remembrance Day is “a beacon of awareness, remembrance, and solidarity.” Deep gratitude to those who work tirelessly to help and support adopted people around the globe.