Tag Archives: Ethiopian Adoption Connection

Family Preservation, Family Reunification, Supporting Fostered Youth: NAAM

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This is day 30 of National Adoption Awareness Month, so this is my daily post to amplify the voices of adoptees. Today I am also making a pitch for family preservation, reunification, and support for fostered youth.

This final day of National Adoption Awareness Month is also “Giving Tuesday,” a day dedicated to generosity and doing good.

So in honor of both NAAM and Giving Tuesday, I will ask that you consider looking at family preservation organizations any time you think about adoption. We can chip away at the forces that divide families, and keep more children safe and with their mothers and fathers. It is an ambitious goal, I realize. There are many worthy organizations doing this work, and I urge you to learn about and support them.

For today, here are three organizations devoted to reuniting families divided by adoption, to supporting birth parents, and to providing resources to youth in foster care.

Beteseb Felega/Ethiopian Adoption Connection BF/EAC is “a free, grassroots effort to reconnect Ethiopian family members separated by adoption, and to provide compassionate support to adoptees, birth family members, and adoptive parents.” Their unique “internet database contains Ethiopian adoption information (in Amharic and English) provided by adopted people/adoptive parents and birth families who are looking for each other…For Ethiopian families, we explain the system through which their children were adopted and provide meaningful guidance regarding reunion and ongoing contact with their adopted children. EAC is the only organization committed to giving a voice to Ethiopian families while providing services focused on their well being post adoption.”

Saving Our Sisters Saving Our Sisters (SOS) “focuses on family preservation utilizing our pool of national volunteers to support parents and their families by providing them with resources to navigate their crisis and build confidence in themselves and their abilities. These actions help show families that they are who and what their babies need, and gives them the confidence to overcome their temporary crisis. SOS, through information, advocacy and support, provides families the ability to make truly informed decisions for the best possible outcome – eliminating the trauma of separation for the infant, existing and future generations of their family.”

Treehouse for Kids Treehouse is an organization based here in Seattle that believes that “every child, youth and young adult who has experienced foster care should have access to essentials such as clothing, school supplies, extracurricular activities, job supplies and even car insurance.” Treehouse offers “tutoring and academic remediation while also eliminating financial barriers to success in school for both youth in foster care and young adults in Extended Foster Care (EFC).” NAAM’s original intent was to promote adoption of children from foster care; NAAM has changed a lot over the years to include more voices. Supporting the needs of foster care youth should remain a priority. Treehouse does that.

Final thoughts on theis final day of NAAM:

Everyone, including adopted people, has the human and civil right to know who they are (this refers to Original Birth Certificates and medical history access, as well as to eliminating fraud in adoption).

Support family preservation.

Listen to adoptees.

Preventing Adoptions From Being Annulled

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There are several ways that international adoptions, after they have been finalized, can be terminated. What can be done to prevent this from happening, and to heal those involved?

We live in a world where adoptions can end in at least four ways.

  • One is illicit “re-homing,” where adoptive parents hand their children over to other people, whom they may or may not know well, without any sort of oversight or protection for the children. I’ve written about this here.
  • A second ending is the voluntary or involuntary legal termination of the adoptive parents’ parental rights, thus moving their children into the US foster care system, This happens with internationally adopted children more often than any of us are aware. Because the children are usually US citizens by the time they enter foster care, their international origins are often difficult to trace.
  • A third is the voluntary or involuntary legal termination of parental rights which moves the children into a private adoption system. The Utah agency Second Chance Adoptions is the best known organization for handling these disruptions.
  • A fourth is the annulment of the adoption in civil court by the country of origin. Ethiopian courts have recently annulled three international adoptions. You can read my recent post here.

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Maji, Ethiopia. January 2016. © Maureen McCauley Evans

Obviously the best approach is prevention before adoption occurs: preventing the child from losing his first family by preserving families when possible, by intervening to keep children out of orphanages, and by providing resources to feed and educate children. I’ve written about some possible means of helping children that do not include international adoption here.

 

 

The decline in international adoptions to the US does not mean that the needs of vulnerable children have also declined.

Another important approach is providing services for families before and after the adoption, so that the child is safe, and is not re-traumatized by losing a family a second time.

Here are a few ideas:

  •  More rigorous screening of prospective adoptive parents. Proof that prospective parents have excellent insurance, including access to adoption-competent therapies and resources for respite care.
  • Adoption policies and practices that focus on Inclusion of adult international adoptees and from international birth/original parents, and not solely adoptive parents, adoption agencies, and adoption attorneys.
  • Funding and training for pre-adoption and post-adoption resources that are effective and accessible. Emphasizing to families that asking for help is not embarrassing or shameful, but is a sign of strong parenting skills.
  • Legislation and/or other resources that provides guidance and oversight for families in crisis, with transparency for adoption disruptions and services for children.

Some children are in need of adoption because of abuse by their parents. The annulled adoptions in Ethiopia were granted because of the treatment of the children by the adoptive parents. Access to services–and willingness to use the services–would likely have helped in some cases. Further, a red flag of the cases was that the Ethiopian parents thought they would hear about their children after placement, and then were not given any information or contact.

One of the most significant developments in international adoption is increased openness, where the adoptive family and the birth/first family keep connected. I am aware anecdotally of many adoptive parents of Ethiopian children who visit Ethiopia regularly, who have phone or Skype contact with the birth family, and who have heard the reasons for adoption directly from family members.

Ethiopian Adoption Connection provides a database for Ethiopian and adoptive families to find each other. IMG_6400Many Ethiopian mothers and fathers were promised connections with the children they placed for adoption, but never received updates, photos, news, or anything at all. EAC helps Ethiopian families and adoptees around the globe to find each other. Having access to information seems such a basic human right, for everyone involved in adoption. Yes, it’s complicated to navigate the relationships. Yes, safety issues are always paramount.

And yes, these connections have been made and have been successful. Adoptees are finding their families. Dying Ethiopian grandfathers are able to learn that their grandsons are thriving. Ethiopian mothers can know that their babies (placed in the US, Sweden, France, or elsewhere) are alive.

Would these connections have meant the annulments would not have occurred? We will never know. But transparency and integrity can go a long way in adoption, and we need to take more steps in that direction.

Ethiopian Adoption Connection is doing groundbreaking work. Please share information about them, and help them to continue. Learn more here. A donation would be a wonderful Mother’s Day idea. 

France Joins Other European Nations in Suspending Adoptions From Ethiopia

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France has announced that it will suspend adoptions from Ethiopia. You can read the announcement in French here: Communiqué relatif à la suspension des adoptions internationales en Éthiopie (4.05.2016)

This is a Google Translate version of the announcement:

“Statement on the suspension of international adoptions in Ethiopia (05/04/2016)

The Mission of the International Adoption (DIA) informs candidates for adoption in Ethiopia in April 22, 2016, the Minister of Foreign Affairs and International Development has sent a letter to Ms. Zenebu Tadesse, Minister for Women and Children in Ethiopia, announcing the suspension of international adoptions to the implementation of legislative and institutional reforms undertaken by that country.

Other host countries such as Germany, French-speaking Belgium, Denmark, Spain, Ireland, Sweden and Switzerland have suspended adoptions in Ethiopia.

The decision comes after the May mission in Ethiopia conducted from 10 to 12 February. During this mission, in May met with the Minister of Women and Children for a status report on the situation of adoption. The observation was made jointly by the need to suspend international adoptions to ensure ethical and legal certainty of procedures and to encourage local alternatives supported international adoption.

Only the procedures related families of Ethiopian children by 22 April 2016 and whose name list was transmitted to the Ethiopian authorities have received agreement in principle from the Ethiopian minister. These procedures are allowed to continue through the operators. Regarding the situation of children already adopted and arrived in France, the OAA ( Organismes Autorisés pour l’Adoption–Authorized adoption agencies)  will ensure monitoring and transmit the monitoring reports in compliance with the requirements of the Ethiopian legislation.”

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Graph showing decline in international adoptions to France

We Iive in a global adoption community. Around the world, international adoptions are declining: it’s not just the United States. Millions of vulnerable children need help, though international adoption is increasingly not an option, for many reasons. Those of us involved with adoption must continue to advocate for children in the US and around the world who need safety, food, families, and health care.

My thanks to Andrea Kay of Ethiopian Adoption Connections (EAC) for sharing this information. EAC works to connect Ethiopian adoptees around the world with their Ethiopian families. EAC also works with Ethiopian birth mothers and families to help them in a number of ways, such as empowering Ethiopian families who have lost children to adoption by providing emotional and social support through caseworker led discussion groups; education about the system through which their children were adopted; and meaningful, realistic information about reunion, potential reunion, and ongoing contact with their adopted children. Please visit their website and support their work.

 

Ethiopian Birth Mothers After Relinquishment: MSW Research from Addis Ababa University

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Adoption agency staff and social workers, prospective and current adoptive parents of Ethiopian children: Nothing should shock you in this research. It may break your heart a bit. I hope it will bring us closer to meeting the realities of Ethiopian birth mothers, and birth families.

Written as a thesis by Kalkidan Alelign, an Ethiopian graduate student for a Master’s Degree in Social Work at Addis Ababa University, “Birth Mothers’ Experience After Relinquishment” is an anomaly of sorts. It appears to be one of only two academic papers that look at what happens to Ethiopian birth mothers after they place their children. I’ll discuss the other in my next post on this subject. My thanks to Themia Sica for first posting the link in a Facebook adoptive parent group. Kalkidan is now vice president of Ethiopian Adoption Connection, also known as Betesab Felega. They do remarkable, valuable work reuniting Ethiopian adoptees and their families.

To say there is a need to provide post-adoption counseling to Ethiopian birth mothers is a laughable understatement. Agencies: are you listening, especially if you are looking at moving to new countries to place children? Please do not abandon the first families.

The writer of the thesis, Kalkidan Alelign, defines adoption as the separation of mothers and their children as a result of relinquishment.

The thesis itself is typical in that half of it is the question/objective, the literature review, and the research method. It’s around Chapter 4, “Findings,” that the objective academic language delves into the lives of 5 birth mothers: Fikirte, Hayat, Hewan, Nina, and Selam. The names are not real. The emotions are.

Admittedly, it’s a small sample. The author calls it qualitative research, and my sense is that it is likely quite representative of many birth mothers in Ethiopia.

Of the mothers interviewed for this thesis, 3 are single, and 2 are widows. They range in age from 25 to 30. Two are Muslim, 3 are Orthodox Christian. Their education ranges from “none” to a diploma. The interviews took place a year after relinquishment for 2 of the mothers, 3 years after for 2 mothers, and 5 years after for 1 mother.

I’ll give an overview here, and I encourage you to read the thesis for yourself.

Why did the mothers relinquish?

  • Money problems (usually temporary)
  • Social pressure (stigma, children born to unwed parents)
  • The mother’s HIV status (fear of dying and wanting to have a plan for the child/ren)
  • Lack of social support (the father of the child didn’t want the child; no friends or relatives to help with a baby)

The above reasons are not surprising. But what about this one?

  • Disinformation (expecting to maintain contact in some way)

Hewan, a 30-year-old widow with no education, said “she was willing to relinquish because she was told she would be receiving information about her children…However, it had been about five years and she still never heard about her children. Nina and Selam had to wait three years before they heard about their children.”

Hewan, Nina, and Selam also “never had the chance to say good-bye to their children.”

Read that sentence again, and then look at your children.

“All participants indicated that relinquishing their children was ‘the most difficult experience’ of all.”

Nina said of her last day with her child: “I could not sleep. I was holding him and staring at him all night long…I was telling him not to be scared and that he would grow up being a good man. Even though he was only four days old, he was looking straight into my eyes and it felt like he was searching for my soul.”

What were the feelings of the mothers after they relinquished their children?

  • Realizing the Loss (Nina: “After I gave my child to the orphanage I went home. There the first thing I did was take a shower, then it hit me. I just lost my baby and here I was being comfortable. I cried for a long time every day.”)
  • Anger (“After they relinquished their children, it was challenging for them to be back in the environment in which their children were lost from…They were also crying a lot and were angry almost every day.”)
  • Regrets (“Selam and Hewan regretted their decision in relation to what their expectation was and what the reality is. They state they were told by the delala (the broker) that they will have frequent contact with their children or with the adoptive parents…Hewan said: ‘If I knew that there would be no contact, that I would end up wondering about my children every day, that the pain does not go away…if only I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have relinquished my children.'”

Two of the birth mothers do not regret their decision. Hayat and Fikirte…have met the adoptive parents. Both have some sort of contact with their children, one through the adoption agency and one via telephone and email. Fikirte says ‘The meeting and the pictures assured me that my daughter is well taken care of. She has grown up and is living a life that I am sure she wouldn’t be having if she was with me.'”)

  • Blame (Two mothers blamed themselves “for not being mother enough to endure the challenges they once faced.” Others blamed the father, or family, for “not caring enough or for not understanding their pain.”)
  • Grief (“All participants stated that they grieved for their children every day. They also stated that though they grieve every day, some days are more painful than others.”)
  • Fear (“Nina and Hewan imagined everything that may go wrong in their children’s lives. They also wondered if their children understood why they relinquished them. They wonder if their children would accept them as their mothers when and if they meet them in the future.”)

Further, those who have children after placing a child for adoption feel overprotective, For Hewan, “It is her fear that she would lose him (the child she kept) too and ‘end up alone.'”)

The mothers also talked about circumstances that evoked or worsened their experience, such as “holidays, birthdays, and any other days that are celebrated in each family…On such days they either wish for their children to be part of the celebration or blame those who are celebrating it for doing it in the absence of their children.” Other triggers were “visiting a mother who gave birth, watching a mother with her son in public, watching young couples walk hand in hand, and watching a mother begging for alms with her children.”

Another trigger is lack of contact. Hewan said “having no contact with her children or the adoptive parents has made her loss ‘unbearable.’…She further stated that all the negative news that she heard about adoption in different media affected her, including her will to live.”

What are some of their coping mechanisms?

  • Acceptance (“Fikirte said, ‘When I finish my daily work, I sit for a long time and look at her (daughter’s photo) album or the framed picture of her in my room. I feel mixed feelings of happiness and sadness.'”)
  • Talking (“All participants reported that talking about their feelings and getting support from friends makes a lot of difference in their experience of relinquishment…(W)hen they share their experience, they feel like a weight is lifted off their shoulders…”)
  • Helping Others (Nina said, “When I see mothers in trouble or youngsters in the street I would go and talk to them to show them that somebody cares. Because I feel if somebody had cared enough I wouldn’t be in this position. Everything I feel I have missed or should have been done for me, I do it for others.”)
  • Concealing feelings (“All participants reported that they prefer not to talk about their feelings whenever they feel that they are judged or when they feel people would not understand them.”)
  • Withdrawing (“…the participants stated that the response from the community regarding their decision and how they should live their life after (the relinquishment) makes them question their desire to be part of the society.”)
  • Spirituality (“All of the participants stated that their faith has a major contribution in helping them accept what happened in their life.”)

I have met and embraced my daughters’ Ethiopian mother. My heart aches for her and for these mothers, recognizing that we can, and must, provide better, humane, and helpful services to them, the women who have placed their children in the hands of others. Regardless of whether adoption declines or continues, there is an obligation to not forget these mothers and families.

While this thesis is difficult to read, I am grateful for it. Ms. Alelign, the thesis author, recommends the following, in terms of social work practice:

Counseling, to make sure that birth mothers fully understand what relinquishment means and can make genuinely informed decisions. “Counseling services should also be provided to help birth mothers deal with what they experience after relinquishing.”

Advocacy, “for better awareness of the community about  birth mothers…because a positive response from the community can have an impact in minimizing the challenges they face while trying to play their role in society.” Advocacy is also important regarding “awareness as to how significant it is for the birth mothers to have contact with the adoptive parents or their children.”

Networking, because “Creating a psychosocial support group for birth mothers is also very important at this level since there are no support groups or organizations that help birth mothers.”

We must see their faces and hear their voices when adoption policy is discussed.

We must listen to them, and we must tell their stories.