Author Archives: Maureen McCauley

About Maureen McCauley

I'm the creator of Light of Day Stories, a place where I examine international adoption issues. I am also a co-editor of _Lions Roaring Far From Home: An Anthology By Ethiopian Adoptees_ .

3 Challenging Ideas for Adoptive Parents to Consider, If Not Embrace

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This is a starter pack of potentially jarring notions for us adoptive parents.

Consider how your brain and body react to them, and why.

If you feel defensive or dismissive, pause to consider why. If you nod and feel less alone, explore that. Feel free to share this post with others, including your adult adopted children, folks without direct connections to adoption, therapists, counselors, relatives, friends. Please feel welcome to share your reactions, either in the comments or in an email to me: Maureen@LightOfDayStories.com. I’d be happy to hear from anyone about these Challenging Ideas.

This is an unsettled time in the adoption community. Adoptees are speaking out more, on TikTok (#AdopteesOfTikTok) and other social media platforms. They are hosting adoptee-only webinars, starting nonprofits, building businesses related to adoption which do not involve placement of children. In my work with Adoption Mosaic, I have developed curriculum and co-facilitated multi-week workshops for Seasoned Parents and on Navigating Estrangement, geared to adoptive parents of adult adoptees. So many adoptive parents are perplexed by their adult children’s anger about adoption (or about the parents’ approach to racism and racial identity). So many are estranged. So many are startled by some of the current volatility in adoption.

Adoptees are not a monolith; nor are adoptive or birth parents, so there’s lots of room for conversation. And we need more conversations and connections in the adoption community.

Here are three Challenging Ideas. I will give a brief description, and then share some resources, mostly by adoptees. Some of the adoptees draw primarily from their lived experience; some draw from academic research.

Relinquishment in adoption is trauma. Adoption itself can be trauma as well.

The separation of children from their mother is inherently traumatic. Think of how you’d feel hearing about a baby or young child whose mother had died, recognizing the depth of that loss. Separation from one’s mother, even if for a child’s safety, is a traumatic event.That’s true in relinquishment for purposes of adoption as well. There is a wealth of material about Understanding Trauma and Behavior in Adopted Children. If children are older when they are relinquished, they may have also experienced many Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, such as neglect, abuse, witnessing violence, removal from their home into foster care, or relinquishment for adoption, which can include physical relocation into a place where they don’t speak the language, don’t have racial mirrors, and have been taken from all that was familiar.

None of this damns anyone to horrible outcomes, especially if they grow up with or at some point find stability, safety, and recognition of their needs. Not all adoptees do. In any case, the Hallmark version of adoption as all-happy, the rainbows-and-unicorns scenario, could use more skepticism and less pressure on adoptees, especially, to be grateful or to have no issues with having been relinquished and adopted.

Lina Vanegas MSW, an adopted person from Colombia, is profiled here as an Adoptee Advocate. She discusses trauma, loss, suicide prevention, and other related topics.

Via Boston Post-Adoption Resources, Erika Kramer MSW writes on Adoption Trauma.

Theodora Blanchfield AMFT, an adopted person, writes that “I Am Grateful to Be Adopted–And Yet, Adoption Is Still Traumatic.”

Michele Merritt, an adopted person, writes in Science Direct about “Discovering latent trauma: An adopted adult’s perspective.”

Adoption should be abolished.

Abolition of adoption is a complex subject. No one wants children to be abused, neglected, in danger, needing medical care, out on the streets: that’s true for adoption abolitionists as well.

What adoption abolitionists want, as I understand it, is a systems overhaul, where, for example, poverty or patriarchy aren’t automatic reasons to remove a child from a family. where no one is entitled to a child, where families have access to equitable medical care, where children can afford to go to school, where a child can remain somewhere within his or her won family, safely.

Adoption abolitionists argue for an overhaul of the current adoption industry, which would include ending it. First steps would include genuine transparency (currently lacking in many adoptions) where adoptees have access to their own information, such as their original birth certificates and their parents’ names. Fraud, corruption, and coercion in adoption practices must be eliminated.

The role of money, for example is a huge structural factor: it is mostly white, relatively wealthy people who adopt, and children of color who are removed from their families. An international or private attorney adoption of one child can cost $40,000. That money could instead be used for job training, rent, and child care to allow a mother to keep her child. I’ve heard more than once that “adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation,” for example.

The US adoption tax credit is a significant government option that goes to adoptive parents; over the years, it’s involved billions of dollars for adoptive parents. Imagine if there were a structural overhaul that re-distributed funds so that families could keep their children, or get medical care for the children, or help grandparents or older siblings to care for the children. According to the Tax Policy Center, “The adoption tax credit has been repeatedly expanded, from an initial maximum value of $5,000 in 1997 to $14,300 in 2020. In 2020, taxpayers claimed total adoption credits of $322 million. The temporary availability of a refundable credit pushed the cost of the credit up to the dramatically higher figures of $1.2 billion in 2010 and $610 million in 2011 (including the refundable portion).”

Adoption Mosaic held a We The Experts panel featuring four adoptees who advocate for the abolition of adoption. Learn more here.

Lina Vanegas, listed above, often writes about abolition, and has also presented workshops with Mila Konomos, an adopted person from Korean, who posts about adoption survivors, abolition, and liberation.

Melissa Corrigan, an adopted person, writes “Abolish adoption.”

Nicole Eigbrett, an adopted person from China, tells her story here: “Adoption abolition envisions a world without ‘organized abandonment’ “

Marjie Alonso, an adoptive parent, wrote “I willingly, joyfully adopted my sons from Paraguay. I would never do it again.”

Adoption is rooted in white privilege, supremacy, and saviorism.

This can be an especially hard idea for adoptive parents to wrestle with. Like many other aspects of societal inequity, adoption is rooted in power and privilege. Who adopts? Who loses their children to adoption? What do they look like? What are their incomes, education levels, religions?

How does adoption perpetuate societal inequities, rather than prevent or eliminate them?

Kimberly McKee, Ph.D., an adopted person from Korea, writes about “White Supremacy, Christian Americanism, and Adoption.”

Alyssa Enright, an adopted person from China, wrote this editorial: “White Saviorism’s Effect on Transracial Adoption.”

Chidimma Ozor Commer, Ph.D., wrote “When ‘Good Intentions’ Backfire: A Case for Non-Transracial Legal Guardianship Rather Than Adoption, and Why Transracial Adoption Is Not Trauma Informed.”

Final Words for Today

Please be assured that this is a superficial presentation of three topics that are deeply nuanced. Nonetheless, adoptive parents can and should lean into them, since their adopted children (perhaps especially those who are full-fledged adults) may be doing so as well. Yes, there can be great joy and love in adoptive families–I love my children more than I can say. I also know that relinquishment and adoption have deeply affected them, as well as their original families (including grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins). All children should be loved, safe, and as healthy as possible. All parents deserve to keep their children, and we all have a stake in helping them do so. That’s the goal. (There will always be exceptions.) How can we move toward that goal together, in a fair way, sooner rather than later?

Should Adoptive Parents Ask Adoptees For Help?

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Over the years, when adoptive parents are asking other adoptive parents for advice about adoption, I’ve recommended that they ask adult adoptees. I am reconsidering this approach.

My lens here is as a white adoptive parent of (now adult) Black children, two born in the US and two born in Ethiopia. In an international adoption group, questions like this have been posted: Would Europe be a safe, less racist place than the US for my Black son to live? Should we send money to our children’s birth family? My adopted child (a young adult) is feeling anxious about the current immigration-ICE events: what should I tell them?

We white adoptive parents tend to default to other white adoptive parents as sources of information about adoptees. Often this is because the parents live in an almost completely white space with few racial mentors and few adoptee mentors. Also, it may feel safer to ask our familiars these questions, than to do the work of developing friendships with, say, Black or Asian people. We may not know many (or any) adult adoptees, or may feel insecure about asking them questions. Sometimes adoptive parents feel they should know all the answers, as we are often held up as exemplary merely because we adopted.

Often in Facebook groups and in other settings, I suggest adoptive parents talk to adoptees to get answers to their questions. Why do I say this?

  • Adopted people are the experts on the lived experience of being adopted.
  • Adoptive parents need to stop defaulting to the safety and comfort of other adoptive parents as experts. Sure, they can be one source, but
  • For far too long, adoptive parents have dominated many adoption spaces, and were seen as the best and sometimes only people who should speak about adoption.
  • This one’s more nuanced: my implicit hope is that adoptive parents have done work to incorporate other adoptees and people of color (besides their children) in their lives because the parents are white and not adopted, and their children are not white and are adopted. They should have at least a few adult adoptees to talk to in person. “Should” is of course a tricky word.
Black and white photo of foggy street with trees and telephone poles
®Maureen McCauley. Foggy street, fog in adoption.

Our adopted children might be good sources of information, and we adoptive parents also ought to make the circle wider. I have had many adoption-related conversations with my four children, now all in their late 30’s. Each has a very different perspective on adoption. I got to know many adult adoptees during the process of editing our book, “Lions Roaring Far From Home: An Anthology by Ethiopian Adoptees.” Those adoptees had been raised in the US, Canada, France, Sweden, Australia, and the Netherlands. I also follow groups such as Ethiopian Adoptees of the Diaspora, Ethiopian Adoptees Foundation, the podcast Ethiopian Adoptees Unapologetically Unfiltered, and more. I follow many adoptees on Instagram and on LinkedIn. There are lots on TikTok of course; I am not a frequent TikTok user.

I have probably overstepped fairly often, injected myself into conversations that were not mine to enter, and unintentionally leapt over boundaries. Mostly people have been kind to me about that.

Like any group, the perspective of adult adoptees will vary. That, to me, is why having a variety of folks to talk to can be so important.

Still: I believe we adoptive parents must accept that, while adoptees can be excellent, valuable sources of information, they have no obligation to talk with us. Some adoptees who are active on social media have no interest in talking with adoptive parents, their own or anybody else’s.

Others are more open to working with adoptive parents. Transracial adoptees Isaac Etter, Angela Tucker, Patrick Armstrong, and Cam Lee Small come to mind, for example. Same race adoptees Joyce Maguire Pavao, Jennifer Dyan Ghoston‘s podcast “Once Upon a Time in Adopteeland,” and Haley Radke’s podcast AdopteesOn all provide amazing resources. I’d be remiss if I did not mention the incredible, valuable programs of Adoption Mosaic, for whom I am a co-facilitator and consultant. The “We The Experts” programs are thoughtful, challenging, and community-building. The adoptee-centric workshops require that non-adoptees do not ask questions or otherwise comment; we are meant to listen and learn.

When we connect with any of these folks, and there are many more, we adoptive parents should consider the professional training in which many of the adoptees have participated. Buy the books. Pay for the classes. Leave a positive review. Do not partake without giving back in some way.

Consider also the value of lived experience and the notion of emotional labor. The essays that are in “Lions Roaring” are an example of that. Some of our writers shared stories that are haunting and painful. They wrote from their hearts, and the rest of us are fortunate to read their words. Some of the writers do not want to read their own words ever again, because offering that gift of writing was soul-draining.

Some adoptees thus have no interest in performing any emotional labor, especially for adoptive parents. It’s too heartbreaking for them. We adoptive parents need to be mindful of that, and not expect that all adoptees can or ought to share with us. Ask first; respect boundaries without judgment. Express gratitude.

I continue to learn, including now from my grandchildren, who are not adopted yet adoption affects them too, as the children of adoptees. I believe fully in listening to adoptees, in asking questions while first asking permission, and in respecting those who may not want to talk whether because of deep trauma or a headache or whatever: no reason has to be given. I will do my best to answer questions as well, if asked, and to hold myself back from offering my insights if not asked. I genuinely hope we can all continue to learn from each other, to heal, to grow.

How Can We Get Justice for Begidu Morris, the Ethiopian Adoptee Killed at 10 Years Old?

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My dear friend Ferehiwot Tsagaye, an Ethiopian adoptee, said this on a Facebook post:

This could’ve been me.

Begidu Morris was a 10-year-old Ethiopian adoptee—just like I once was. But instead of being protected, he was locked in a closet, starved, and abused until his little body couldn’t take it anymore.

And yet… his adoptive parents are still free.

I’ve been fighting for years to help adoptees reconnect with their roots, their families, and their identities—because stories like Begidu’s are not rare.

Too many of us were adopted into silence, pain, and racism, behind a smile and a church pew. We were told to be grateful while we were breaking inside.

As an adoptee and an advocate, I refuse to let his story be forgotten.

We will be the voice he was never given.

We will fight for the justice he never received.

We will demand accountability—for Hana, for Begidu, for all of us.

Enough is enough.

Beautifully said, Ferehiwot.

Many Ethiopian adoptees have spoken out for Begidu. I am hopeful that *all* of us in the adoption community will do so: adoptive parents, adoption agencies, adoption-related organizations.

I posted recently about Begidu, who died in March 2022, whose death was ruled a homicide, and whose case has not been brought to trial.

From A Life Discounted: the tragic story of Begidu Morris, “According to the DCF child fatality summary, Begidu Morris collapsed at home in Lee County, Florida, on March 17, 2022 and was transported to Golisano Children’s Hospital. He was diagnosed with subdural hematoma, hypothermia, cardiac arrest, acute respiratory failure, retinal hemorrhages, and metabolic acidosis….Three years after Begidu’s death, the police have made no arrests in the case.”

From the Child Fatality Report, March 2022: “The facts of the case were reviewed with the State’s Attorney’s office and ultimately, no action was taken as the perpetrator of the abuse could not be determined at that time.”

Yes, that’s right: The Child Fatality Report ruled Begidu’s death a homicide, and determined that either the adoptive mother or the teenage sibling was likely responsible. The State’s Attorney’s office then moved no further toward justice for Begidu.

So what should and can we do?

My hope is that other adoptive parents like me will feel called to find justice for an Ethiopian adoptee. When we adopted from Ethiopia, we made a connection with the country and the children, the families, the culture. While our priority is to our children; I believe that our compassion and energy should extend to other Ethiopian adoptees as well. Begidu was somebody else’s adopted child: adoptive parents who tortured the little boy, who died after 5 days in a hospital, perhaps alone.

He seemed to have no one speaking up for him when he died.

We can spread the word about this case, posting on Facebook or on blogs or in adoptive parent groups.

We can email the State’s Attorney in Florida who has jurisdiction for the case, who apparently decided there was nothing more that could be done for Begidu, despite the determination of horrific abuse and homicide. Her name is Amira Fox. She is the State’s Attorney for five Florida counties, including Lee County, where Begidu died. Her web site is here. Ms. Fox’s email is stateattorney@sao20.org.

Here’s a recent post from her Facebook page. I am glad to see she’s #AllAboutTheKids.

If you are in Florida, emailing and otherwise contacting Ms. Fox’s office is especially useful. That said, getting the word out that folks across the country are concerned about this is also important.

A brief email is fine. If anyone wants help drafting one, I am happy to help.

Emails can also be sent to Governor Ron DeSantis, and to other federal and state representatives.

Share this story with news outlets, in Florida, Ethiopia, and elsewhere: Addis Standard, CNN, 60 Minutes, New York Times, Washington Post, etc. Contact The News-Press, the newspaper for Lee County–Fort Meyers area where Begidu died, and ask why a search for “Begidu Morris” shows no results, yet “Amira Fox” yields many.

We can recognize the emotional labor of Ethiopian and other adoptees who speak out about the case, and the pain it causes for them. I am grateful to each of them.

Here are some of those, in addition to Ferehiwot, who have spoken out:

Hakima Alem posted this on TikTok.

Lidet O’Connor (host of Ethiopian Adoptees Unapologetically Unfiltered podcast) posted this on TikTok.

“Who Protects Ethiopian Children Adopted by Strangers? Begidu and the Failed Promise of Ethiopian Adoption” by Kassaye Berhanu (Substack)

Begidu Morris by Moses Farrow (Instagram)

Justice for Begidu from Adoptee_Diaries (Instagram)

If you speak out in any way asking for Justice for Begidu, please share that action with others. I’d especially like to hear about the actions of adoptive parents, adoption agencies, and adoption-related organizations.

This little child, abused and killed by his adoptive family, deserves justice, and must not be forgotten.

Why Aren’t the Adoptive Parents of Begidu Morris in Jail for His Tragic Death?

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They should be held accountable for this little boy’s death.

Ethiopian adoptee Begidu Morris died in 2022 at 10 years old. He weighed 44 pounds: the average 10 year old weighs around 65 pounds. He was covered with scars and burn marks. He had multiple physical traumas, and certainly unimaginable emotional injuries as well–conditions that no child should ever have to endure.

Consuela and Jack Morris, his adoptive parents, have never been charged, though Florida Child Protective Services found that “the parents either participated in the abuse that led to the child’s injuries and subsequent death, or they participated in concealing the horrific abuse and neglect that he suffered.”

In other words, no one has ever been held officially accountable for this little child’s horrific death. Whoever is guilty is living without punishment, free, without justice for their crimes.

@hakima_alem

Link to Child Fatality Report https:// livescutshort.org/wp-content/uploads/ 2024/04/2022-084517.pdf #justiceforbegidu #fyp #adoption #ethiopian_tik_tok #habeshatiktok #begidu #protectchildren #ethiopian_tik_tok🇪🇹🇪🇹🇪🇹🇪🇹

♬ original sound – Hakima Alem

From “A Life Discounted: the tragic story of Begidu Morris, “According to the DCF child fatality summary, Begidu Morris collapsed at home in Lee County, Florida, on March 17, 2022 and was transported to Golisano Children’s Hospital. He was diagnosed with subdural hematoma, hypothermia, cardiac arrest, acute respiratory failure, retinal hemorrhages, and metabolic acidosis.”

“The CPS investigation concluded that “[a]lthough it was not able to be determined with certainty who inflicted the injury/injuries that led to this child’s death, it can be concluded that the parents either participated in the abuse that led to the child’s injuries and subsequent death, or they participated in concealing the horrific abuse and neglect that he suffered.” It found the parents Jack and Consuelo Morris responsible for Begidu’s death and for “bizarre punishments,” internal injuries, physical injuries, medical neglect, ‘failure to thrive/malnutrition/dehydration,’ failure to protect, and inadequate supervision.”

“Three years after Begidu’s death, the police have made no arrests in the case. The DCF Investigation Summary states that CPS was involved in multiple meetings, including with the State Attorney’s Office (SAO) and that

“[u]ltimately no action was taken by the SAO as the perpetrator of abuse could not be determined based on the information that was available at the time of their staffing. There were two individuals (the mother and [the brother]) in the home capable of causing the head trauma to the child; the individual responsible for the abuse could not be determined.

As the Child Welfare Monitor article states, “The lack of charges is almost incredible. If they could not have charged anyone with the actual homicide, it is hard not to understand how the parents could not have been charged with multiple counts of child abuse, charges that surely exist in Florida as they do in other states. It is hard not to ask the question, as one child advocate (Dawn Post) put it, could this happen if Begidu were White? The State’s Attorney denied my request for the investigation records on the grounds that ‘there is still an active investigation.’ But it is hard to believe that the police are still seriously working on this case.”

Share his story: do not let Begidu be forgotten. #JusticeForBegidu

Here are other important sources of information:

“Who Protects Ethiopian Children Adopted by Strangers? Begidu and the Failed Promise of Ethiopian Adoption” by Kassaye Berhanu (Substack)

Begidu Morris by Moses Farrow (Instagram)

Justice for Begidu from Adoptee_Diaries (Instagram)

Data Breach of Gladney Adoption Center Exposes Confidential Information

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The notion of confidentiality of adoption records is sorely challenged these days, not only by DNA testing but also by data breaches.

A Wired magazine article reported that Gladney Center for Adoption’s “Data Exposure Revealed Information About Children and Parents.“

Screenshot

In late June, Jeremiah Fowler, a data-breach hunter, “came across a publicly accessible database on line that seemed to contain information about adoption,” identified it as Gladney, and notified them. Within a couple of days, the site was “silently secured.”

Fowler was, according to Wired, ‘particularly alarmed to see adoption-related data, because the trove included details like the identities of some children’s biological parents, data on individuals’ medical and mental health status, information about interactions with Child Protective Services, and even records referencing court orders. The database also included…identifying information like names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and unique identifiers assigned to children’s cases.” The trove contained more than 1.1 million records and was 2.49 GB, the article states.

Gladney Adoption Center is based in Texas, is over 135 years old, and is licensed in 12 states.

I did not find information about the data breach on their blog or their webpage when I looked at it today.

Gladney’s statement in the Wired article by chief operating officer Lisa Schuessler included this: “…in the case of any determination of sensitive information…we notify all impacted individuals.”

The efforts of adoption agencies and adoption attorneys to keep records secure and confidential are not at all guaranteed to succeed. I don’t know how Gladney handled this breach with adoptees, birth families, and adoptive parents. It sure seems to me to have chilling ramifications, including for private and public agencies of all sizes. The adoption community’s confidence in “Confidentiality” is eroding. Access to information could come in unexpected ways. Adoption agencies and lawyers need to be transparent and proactive about these realities.

Swedish Adoptive Parents Urge an End to Adoption, an Apology to Adoptees, Funding for Adoptee Homeland Visits : An Example for the U.S.?

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A widely-read newspaper in Sweden, Aftonbladet (“Evening News”), recently published an article signed by 12 Swedish adoptive parents announcing their support for a proposal to stop adoptions to Sweden. Here’s the link to the article in Swedish; the Google Translate version in English is printed at the end of this post.

The adoptive parents also fully support the proposal that illegally adopted people should receive an apology from the Swedish government, and that the adoptees should be offered financial support for return trips to their country of birth and to search for their roots.

Additionally, the parents noted that we adoptive parents can love their adopted children deeply, and also recognize and regret the damage that fraud and other inequities can cause in adoption. Via Google Translate, “As much as we love our adopted children, we feel sad about what has happened. It is not possible to weigh children’s opportunities for a secure future in Sweden against the risk of children having their papers forged and being illegally adopted away from their families of origin.”

This is the “both/and” of many of us in the adoption community, including adoptees. We can love our families, and loathe the adoption industrial complex. I give credit to the Swedish parents for voicing this so publicly.

An adult and a child are walking along the beach. The sky and beach look hazy.
Photo by Maureen McCauley (copyrighted)

In June of this year, according to PBS.org, “A Swedish commission recommended that international adoptions be stopped after an investigation found a series of abuses and fraud dating back decades…The assignment was to investigate whether there had been irregularities that the Swedish actors knew about, could have done and actually did,” Anna Singer, a legal expert and the head of the commission…And actors include everyone who has had anything to do with international adoption activities.

It includes the government, the supervisory authority, organization, municipalities and courts. The conclusion is that there have been irregularities in the international adoptions to Sweden.”

Swedish scholar Tobias Hubinette PhD, who is also an adopted person from South Korea, on July 9 posted information about the remarkable public statement by the adoptive parents, noting that “Previously, a smaller group of (Swedish) adoptive parents who have adopted from Chile have signed an appeal demanding that the Adoptioncentrum‘s adoptions from Chile to Sweden be investigated, but never before have so many Swedish adoptive parents together been behind an article like the one found in the Aftonbladet.”

Adoptioncentrum, by its own description, is “the largest and most experienced adoption organisation in Sweden, and one of the largest and most experienced organisations in the entire world. We are currently collaborating with authorities and NGOs in more than 20 countries.”

Many folks in Western Europe have been active in speaking out about adoption illegalities. Norway, The Netherlands, and Denmark have ended or restricted international adoptions. This past February, a Swiss news source printed “Why countries are banning international adoptions,” noting that Flanders in Belgium and the U.K. (in addition to Norway, The Netherlands, and Denmark) have investigated and restricted international adoptions. Switzerland plans to end international adoptions at the end of 2026.

There have been many reports about fraud in international adoptions, including from the Associated Press South Korean adoptions.

“The Chinese Adoptees Who Were Stolen” via The New Yorker in May 2025 notes that “As thousands of Chinese families take DNA tests, the results are upending what adoptees abroad thought they knew about their origins.”

We in the United States need to be aware of the rising tide of news and actions being taken by other adoptive parents, and of course by adoptees, around the world, including calls for restrictions, apologies, investigations, reparations, annulments, and more

Around the entire globe, only the United States actually deports international adoptees. We must speak out on behalf of adoptees in regard to citizenship issues.

And we must open our hearts, minds, and eyes to what is happening in other countries and what other parents are doing to combat fraud and inequity. Maybe we need to do that especially because we love our children deeply.

Google Translate of Aftonbladet article, from Swedish to English:

We are people who have adopted ourselves. We have followed the work of the Adoption Commission with great interest, the final results of which were presented in June. We are saddened and appalled by the extent of legal uncertainty that has occurred in international adoptions to Sweden over the decades. We are very upset by the irregularities that have occurred in several cases in the adoption process.

As much as we love our adopted children, we feel sad about what has happened. It is not possible to weigh children’s opportunities for a secure future in Sweden against the risk of children having their papers forged and being illegally adopted away from their families of origin.

The right to identity and origin should not be determined by economic circumstances.
We want to be clear that our position is not about our feelings and choices, but about the fact that sometimes you have to look up and see structures and be able to have several thoughts in your head.

We fully support the adoption commission’s proposal that people who have been adopted to Sweden on illegal grounds should receive an apology from the Swedish state. This should be a given. We agree with the investigation’s conclusion that people who have been adopted should be offered financial support for return trips to their country of birth and to search for their roots.

The right to identity and origin should not be determined by economic circumstances. In addition, adoptees should be offered high-quality conversation support, adapted to their experiences

Many who have been adopted are now adults, but there are also many who are still children. We believe that families who have recently adopted children should receive readily available support, due to the double burden that many children have of separation trauma and disability or illness.

We support the inquiry’s proposal to stop adoptions to Sweden
Today, support for adoptive families is weak in terms of child psychiatry and parental support, and is also unevenly distributed across the country. We all need to learn from the mistakes that have been made and ensure that children who have come to Sweden through adoption and their families are given the right tools to counteract mental illness

The Convention on the Rights of the Child contains several paragraphs that are difficult to reconcile with international adoption of children, for example Articles 8 and 30, concerning the right of children to preserve their identity, language and culture. The investigation also shows that children from indigenous peoples and indigenous minorities are overrepresented among children who are adopted away, due to discrimination in their countries of birth. We consider this to be an unacceptable basis for adoption.

We therefore support the investigation’s proposal to stop adoptions to Sweden. Adoption of children between countries should always be legally secure and be the last opportunity for a child to have their own family, and if this cannot be guaranteed, the mediation needs to be stopped.

Karin Andersen
Johanna Andersson
Suzanna Asp
Carmilla Floyd
Marita Rodriguez Gallardo
Anna Gemfeldt
Tomas Rodriguez Hedling
Anneli Nordling
Kalle Norwald
Helga Stensson
Patrik Stensson
Anna-Stina Takala


Adoptive Parents Must Step Up in the Time of ICE and Deportation Fear

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It would be great if none of us had to worry about deportation or ICE roundups, and about what to do if we get caught up in a raid. We parents who adopted internationally may feel everything is fine because our children–whether they are 4 years old or 39–have their Certificate of Citizenship or a valid passport. The Social Security Administration recognizes their US citizenship. That’s great.

And yet it may not be enough to prevent a sense of anxiety and even fear, especially for Brown and Black transracial adoptees from countries that are being targeted, Additionally, many international adoptees may not be US citizens. Some know this, and some are unaware, assuming that they are citizens. Adoptees without citizenship have been and continue to be deported.

What can and should adoptive parents do to help, given that we committed ourselves to international adoption?

  • Learn about the issue.
  • Be open and curious abut how adoptees are feeling.
  • Use our position as adoptive parents to help advance legislation to provide citizenship to all international adoptees and to prevent deportation.
  • Support and donate to adoptee-led organizations who are helping international adoptees with citizenship issues.

One concrete and important step is here: Dear Parents of Intercountry Adoptees: Do These Two Things Today. Consider this valuable and free advice from a lawyer who is also an adoptee.

Then move on to these items:

Learn

A brief overview:

International adoptees enter the United States as immigrants.

Adoptive parents have the responsibility to get citizenship for their children who are minors when they arrive here. Citizenship became automatic for international adoptees under 18 years old (though there is still paperwork involved) as a result of the Child Citizenship Act of 2000.

From the Adoptee Rights Law Center: “…despite the adoption, thousands of intercountry adoptees continue to have significant issues with US citizenship today. Those issues include:

  1. Securing U.S. Citizenship. Tens of thousands of intercountry adoptees today do not have US citizenship, despite being adopted as children by US citizen parents.
  2. Proving U.S. Citizenship. Even if intercountry adoptees acquired U.S. citizenship under the Child Citizenship Act of 2000, many may not have proof of that citizenship, either through a US passport or a Certificate of Citizenship.

Both issues are fraught with difficulty and may come with life-altering repercussions. Making it worse, U.S. law currently excludes older intercountry adoptees—those born prior to March 1983—from acquiring citizenship through adoption. Instead, they must often go through a long and expensive immigration process to naturalize as U.S. citizens. As adults today, they are considered immigrants, and are subject to deportation if they commit a crime or are not found to be in the country properly. This is fundamentally wrong.”

Adoption immigration law can be complicated, depending on when a child was adopted, what visa they entered with, and whether they commit a crime. Because of this, many international adoptees–even those with citizenship–feel concerned, perhaps about themselves, and perhaps about their fellow adoptees,

Be open and curious about how adoptees are feeling.

We adoptive parents who were born here in the US have rarely had to worry about proving citizenship, or even thinking about it.

Our adopted children look at the world through a different lens: as immigrants, perhaps as people of color. Their country of origin may also affect the way they see the world and the world sees them. Haiti, Nicaragua, Russia, Ukraine, Guatemala, and Mexico come to mind. Even if your child is not from one of those countries, or has no concerns about citizenship, as adoptive parents we can and should show empathy and concern for other adoptees.

Here are some adoptee perspectives:

Citizenship and Immigration Issues for Intercountry Adopted People: FAQ. Prepared by the Adoptee Rights Law Center, this list illustrates the concerns and quandaries of international adoptees in terms of documents and other resources.

Adoption, Belonging, and the Question of Citizenship: A U.S. adoptee reflects on the implications of birthright citizenship, closed records, possible inaccuracies or fraud, and how both domestic and international adoptees can be affected.

A Reddit conversation posted by an adoptee from China: Is anyone else paranoid about getting deported?

Thousands of Children Adopted by Americans Are Without Citizenship. Congress is Unwilling to Act. An AP article featuring adoptees from Iran, South Korea, Ethiopia, and elsewhere.

Use our position as adoptive parents to help advance legislation to provide citizenship to all international adoptees and to prevent deportation.

Legislation that would provide citizenship to all international adoptees has stalled in Congress for about 10 years. One challenge is that any immigrant without citizenship who commits a crime can be subject to deportation. Adoptees are included in this, regardless of the fact that they were brought here legally by US parents and with the oversight and permission of the sending country. (Some adoptive parents brought children to the US illegally, for medical or other reasons. They have a particular responsibility to acquire citizenship for their children, and it may not be easy.)

Aside from that, international adoptees without citizenship (for whatever reason) are technically here in the US illegally, and could be swept up in ICE raids. This possibility has fueled a great deal of fear among adoptees.

Adoptees for Justice has been actively working on this issue for years. Read more about their efforts on the Adoptee Citizenship Act (ACA) here. Donate to Adoptees for Justice if you can; share their information and ask your federal representatives to support citizenship for all adoptees.

If the ACA were passed, international adoptees who have been deported could return home. Adoptees have been deported to many countries: Germany, Ethiopia, Morocco, Mexico, Canada, India, Brazil, and more. There is a Wikipedia page about Korean adoptees who were deported back to South Korea.

From NPR: “NPR previously reported of an adoptee and father of five who was convicted of marijuana possession in Texas. Because his adoption was filed improperly, he was sent to his birth country of Mexico after having served a few years in prison.”

Support adoptees; Donate to adoptee-led organizations who are helping international adoptees with citizenship issues.

Here are resources to support, and to share with international adoptees and others in the adoption community.

I’ve previously mentioned and urge your support of Adoptees for Justice and the Adoptee Rights Law Center.

The Adoptee Rights Law Center offers free and low cost clinics for international adoptees who have questions about citizenship.

Adoption Mosaic is hosting an Adoptee Wellness Chat on July 16 This is an online, adoptee only event: “We will hold a virtual space to gather, reflect, and process together in light of recent political shifts. We intend to create a supportive environment where we can connect, recharge, and discuss how current policies affect us as individuals, as adoptees, and as a community.”

I understand that about 100 adoptees have registered so far, which gives a sense for what’s percolating among international adoptees right now.

Here’s a great list of Legal Resources for Intercountry Adoptees from Adoptees United. Adoptees United is related to the Adoptee Rights Law Center. Adoptees United is led by adoptees in the United States. “We are committed to a diverse board and organization that represents the interests of all adoptees, whether domestic, intercountry, transracial, or former foster youth.”

Support the work of the National Alliance for Adoptee Equality. Sign their petition for passage of the Adoptee Citizenship Act.


Hold space. Make space. Talk with whomever in your life might be at jeopardy, or might just be worried and stressed. Your adopted son or daughter might not want to talk about it. Keep learning nonetheless. Make sure you have all documents and copies (scroll down that page for the list of documents), all secured in a safe place.

Advocate for citizenship for all adoptees. Donate to help deported adoptees, like Mike Davis who was deported to Ethiopia decades ago and hopes to someday meet his grandchildren in person. Mike and other deported adoptees often struggle with life in deportation: they are isolated, often ostracized, don’t speak the language, and have difficulty securing work, housing, and medical care.

We adoptive parents have power to bring about change. Now is the time to be strong allies for international adoptees, to step up and do the work.

Grandparents and Adoption: Creation of Community

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I’ve had 18 years to think about the role of adoption and grandparents, ever since my first granddaughter was born. I now have three granddaughters. As is true for my four adopted now-adult children, I am not biologically related to my grandchildren. We are connected by adoption, yet my granddaughters are not adopted.

Becoming a grandma has helped me reflect on my parenting: what I knew then, what I know now. I have learned so much about the impact of adoption in the last 40 years as well. I’ve talked with many other grandparents who love their grandchildren deeply, including the grandparents who have lost their grandkids to adoption. Parents who are estranged from their adult adopted children often are estranged from their grandkids as well. Grandparents whose grandkids are adopted often get to hear stories and perspectives that the kids don’t share with their adoptive parents. Grandparents who are adoptees wonder about intergenerational trauma and medical histories for their grandkids. Some grandkids know their adoptive grandparents, and don’t know their biological grandparents, who may live in another country and may remain forever unknown–or not.

I am reaching out for grandparents with a connection to adoption, to create a supportive, compassionate, and curious community for sharing stories, questions, perspectives, and experiences. 

The community will include folks from these categories:

  • Grandparents who adopted their children, and whose grandchildren are not adoptees.
  • Grandparents whose children are the adoptive parents: the grandchildren are the adoptees.
  • Grandparents whose children placed a child for adoption/lost a child to adoption.
  • Grandparents who are adoptees and whose children may or may not be adopted, and whose grandchildren may or may not be adopted.
  • Grandparents who adopted their grandchildren.

The Vision

My vision for the actions of the community is very much a work in progress, subject to change and improvement.

  • Conversation Havens: Informal, welcoming spaces to talk about adoption’s impact on us and on our families. 
  • Writing Circles: Supportive, encouraging places to share and strengthen your writing, whether for yourself or for publication.
  • Book (and Articles) Club—Maybe we will talk about entire books. More likely, we will discuss thought-provoking articles about adoption issues, including those written by grandparents.
  • Resources: We will develop and share resources on grandparenting and adoption. These could be webinars, speakers, workshops, trainings, articles, more.
  • Opportunities: There are researchers who want to learn more about the role of grandparents in adoption, and I’d love to help with that. 
  • Mentoring: Wouldn’t it be great to partner with someone who has been through what you are going through? The goal would be to develop partnerships in community, to have mentors willing to listen, advise, bounce ideas around, and provide resources to their peer grandparents.
  • Sitting with Grief: Occasional meetings, led by mental health professionals, to provide an understanding space to share grief caused by adoption. This might be estrangement, or fallout from a misunderstanding, or sadness over loss.

Some of the many questions that we can consider:

  • How has adoption affected you as a grandparent?
  • If you are connected with transracial adoption, have your views on race and racism changed because of adoption?
  • If you are connected with international adoption, what are your reflections on the adoptee’s birth grandparents?
  • If you are a grandparent whose grandchild was placed for adoption, what have been the challenges you’ve faced?
  • How can we grandparents be better parents/grandparents, and also better allies for our children and grandchildren in relation to adoption? This is, I realize, a very complicated question.

Possible topics, from a grandparent’s perspective, include a wide range. This is in no particular order, and the possible topics are not limited to these.

  • Role of birth grandparents in international adoptions
  • Race/Transracial adoption issues
  • Power and privilege dynamics in adoption
  • Biology and medical history, including mental health
  • Estrangement
  • Grief, loss, and trauma
  • Names
  • Legacy
  • Infertility and its impact
  • Epigenetics
  • Intergenerational Trauma
  • Advocacy
  • Legal rights and their ramifications

A Final Note:

I had thought about an anthology of essays by grandparents with connections to adoption. I reflected further, and realized my enthusiasm needed boundaries. I’ve been an outspoken critic of those who share their children’s personal stories, believing that children cannot give informed consent. Many of these grandparent stories might blur or cross that line. So, the book as originally conceived is on hold. That said, there are ways for folks to share their stories that are respectful of personal details, and that’s something that we might explore in the Writing Circles.

Feel free to share this post, to comment here, or email me at Maureen@LightOfDayStories.com.

My middle granddaughter and I at a school event.

The Violence of Love: Race, Family, and Adoption in the United States

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Kit Myers is an adoptee from Hong Kong; he is also an assistant professor at the University of California-Merced. I was fortunate recently to attend a talk he gave at the University of Washington about his book, “The Violence of Love: Race, Family and Adoption in the United States.”

It’s a powerful book, and I recommend it. In full transparency, it is an academic book of sorts, with hundreds of footnotes and many pages of bibliography. Lots of great research presented usefully.

“The Violence of Love” is an important exploration of, as Dr. JaeRan Kim notes in her blurb, the question “How can transracial or transnational adoption be an act of both love and violence, and how can we envision a different future?”

Dr. Kim is herself an adoptee from South Korea, and an associate professor at the University of Washington-Tacoma. She also blogs at the highly respected Harlow’s Monkey.

JaeRan and Kit had a great discussion at the book talk. Many in the audience identified themselves as adoptees. I am grateful to scholars like Kit and JaeRan who share their wisdom with grace, insight, and truth.

From the book: “…we must eradicate not just the family policing system and adoption industry but the structural conditions and ideologies that enable them to exist…How do we draw on radical love to care for the most vulnerable–not in isolation but together? What would we do if we allocated the resources and were unafraid?”

A revolutionary sort of love. “There can be no love without truth.”

You can download a free copy here. You can buy a copy of it at that site as well, or from Amazon, or your local bookstore.

14th Anniversary of the Death of Hana Williams

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On May 12, 2011, Carri Williams called 911 to report that Hana, her adopted daughter from Ethiopia, had passed out in the backyard. Hana died that night from hypothermia and malnutrition, In 2013, both Carri and adoptive father Larry Williams were convicted of manslaughter. They remain in jail.

Hana, on the other hand, remains in our hearts.

She was just 13 years old when she died, having been adopted in 2008. She weighed less at her death than when she arrived in the United States. She was horrifically abused, physically and emotionally, for most of those three years preceding her death.

Many of us here in Seattle and around the world think of Hana often, especially on these poignant anniversaries of her death. Much too young, much too soon. May all children be safe. May Hana never be forgotten.

Hana Alemu (Williams)
Hana’s grave site in Sedro-Wooley, WA. A beautiful, isolated place.

That she died so close to Mother’s Day has always been poignant to me. I’ve written at length about Hana, including the trial and, more recently, visiting her grave last autumn. May you be at peace.