Why You Should Read and Share “Lions Roaring Far From Home”

Yesterday was Adoptee Remembrance Day, and tomorrow is the start of National Adoption Awareness Month in the US. It is a fitting time to learn more about adoption, or better understand the experience of being adopted, or hear a variety of perspectives on what “being adopted” means.

Here is an amazing collection of essays by adoptees, stories told in their own voices: Lions Roaring Far From Home: An Anthology by Ethiopian Adoptees.

The book includes essays and poems by 32 writers, ranging in age from 8 to over 50, and raised in six different countries (Canada, France, Sweden, Australia, the Netherlands, and the U.S.). The perspectives on adoption vary, and that is one of the strengths of the book.

It is the first (and currently only) anthology by Ethiopian adoptees.

It received advance praise from Lemn Sissay, Nicole Chung, and Shannon Gibney, all acclaimed writers who are also adoptees.

The cover of the book "Lions Roaring" is a painting of an Ethiopian woman with one hand on her hip and the other on the back of a roaring lion.

The stunning cover art is by the incredibly talented Ethiopian artist Nahosenay Negussie.

We are grateful to the folks who have read the book, and those who have shared a review and stars on the Amazon site.

We hope more folks will read it, talk about it, and share it with others.

It is a groundbreaking book, reflecting the hearts of our writers and the realities of adoption.

Please help us get the book into the hands of Ethiopian adoptees, other adoptees, Ethiopians, adoptive parents, adoption agencies, adoption therapists, and others.

Thank you.

Adoptee Remembrance Day 2023

Today, October 30, is Adoptee Remembrance Day.

Why an Adoptee Remembrance Day?

  • To publicly mourn and honor adoptees who have died;
  • To raise awareness of crimes against adoptees by adoptive parents;
  • To raise awareness around adoptee suicide; and
  • To recognize that some international adoptees, through no fault of their own, do not have US citizenship, and that some have been deported.

From the Adoptee Remembrance Day Facebook page: “We are opening October 30th to be our day of truth, transparency, and remembrance for adoptees all over the world.”

There is a Virtual Candlelight Vigil today via Facebook at 5pm eastern.

Lions Roaring Far From Home: An Anthology by Ethiopian Adoptees is dedicated to Ethiopian adoptees like Hanna Williams who died at the hands of their adoptive parents, as well as to Ethiopian adoptees who died by suicide: they include Amanuel Kildea, Ashkenafi Jitka Lom, Fisseha Samuel, Gabe Proctor, Kaleab Schmidt, Tadesse Söhl, Mekbul Timmer, Seid Visin, and all those who have left us too soon. The book also has an essay by Mike Davis, a deported Ethiopian adoptee,

The cover of the book "Lions Roaring" is a painting of an Ethiopian woman with one hand on her hip and the other on the back of a roaring lion.

May they rest in power and in peace. May their memories be eternal; may their memories be a blessing. May their friends and families find peace and healing as well.

Another Adoption Agency Closes—and Charges Adoptees for Their Own Records

Dillon International, a 51-year-old U.S. international adoption agency based in Oklahoma, having placed for adoption some 7000 children from a dozen countries, “will no longer provide adoption services, home study services, and post-placement/post-adoption supervision services” as of September 30, 2023.

Why? According to Dillon: “The ever-declining number of intercountry adoptions combined with the increasing costs of maintaining Hague accreditation were primary factors considered in the decision.”

The closure does not surprise me. It’s been a bit of a trend for international adoption agencies in recent years.

What if an adoptee wants their own adoption file from Dillon?

“Adoption file contents will include all adoptee background information, legal documents, and referral pictures (if available) provided by the birth country to Dillon International. In most cases, all of these records should have been received by the adoptive family.”

Ok—but wait:

“There will be a $50 service fee to aid in the retrieval of the file, digitization of the content and emailing to the recipient.”

That is outrageous. It is disrespectful to adoptees to have to pay for their own information from an adoption agency. No agency should be able to withhold an adoptee’s own documents unless the adoptee pays up.

Yet another barrier for adoptees to acquire their own information.

Mila Konomos, aka @the_empress_han, is an adopted/displaced person from South Korea, and she created an adoptee-led petition asking Dillon to do the following:

  1. Remove the $50 fee required to access our adoption files.
  2. Schedule meetings between Dillon’s Board of Directors and adoptees to discuss a long-term plan for accountability.
  3. Guarantee that every person adopted through Dillon receives their complete adoption file and all relevant information without unnecessary delays or restrictions.

Those seem reasonable goals. It is unfortunate at best that these items must be requested. I have signed the petition, and I hope that others do as well.

Thank you for creating the petition, Mila.

Adoptees (or their parents, if the adoptees are minors) have until December 31, 2023, to request the files, which could then take some six months to receive.

Also, “Per Dillon policy, we are only able to provide digital copies rather than original documents.”

When an adoption agency closes, the records and files must be carefully preserved: they hold adoptees’ identities and incredibly important information, including original documents.

According to this news story from KTUL ABC 8, this is where “Lifeline Children’s Services comes into the picture. Lifeline is newly licensed in Oklahoma for both domestic and international adoption and was recruited by Dillon to help families with the transition.”

Lifeline appears to be based in Alabama, has many offices (including this new one in Oklahoma), provides adoption services in the U.S.and in 19 other countries, and is accredited under The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoptions.

I hope adoptees can find a way to access their own original documents, as well as the digitized version, via Lifeline or otherwise.

I did not see anything on Dillon’s page that talks about any services that will be provided to the international birth/first parents in follow-up with this closing. They do have a list of Support Groups and other services for adoptees and adoptive families, but nothing for first/birth parents.

Adoptees Estranged from Their Adoptive Families

Among adoption’s more complicated realities is the role of estrangement: adoptees who become estranged from their adoptive parents.

On Saturday, October 14, (10-noon pacific/1pm-3pm eastern) Adoption Mosaic will host its 50th “We the Experts” panel (the experts being adoptees) on “Adoptees and Adoptive Family Estrangement.”

From Adoption Mosaic: “Estrangement is rising in adoptive families. Historically adoptive families have not been adequately informed of the trauma of adoption, and adoptees often feel disconnected to their adoptive families.”

Some of the topics that may be discussed by the four adoptees on the panel include the following:

“When did you realize that estrangement could be an option for you and your adoptive family?

What was it like to go through this separation?

Were you able to find support, either from friends or the adoptee community?

How are you creating your own sense of community after estrangement? Does the phrase ‘chosen family’ speak to you?”

As an adoptive parent, I recognize this is a tough topic to think about, to experience, and to talk about. And of course it’s painful for everyone, especially adoptees. So let’s talk about it, listen to and learn from adoptees, and work together to heal in community (and that can look different for everyone).

Note: In transparency, please know that I am a co-facilitator for Adoption Mosaic. In fact, we start our Seasoned Parents 6 week class today for adoptive parents of adult children. In the past, we have had parents who are estranged from their children, or are close to estrangement. Sometimes it’s been the adult adoptees who ask their parents to take the class. One of the main objectives of the class is to help adoptive parents talk about hard things with their adult children, whether it’s race, trauma, addiction, grief, estrangement, commodification, or another tough subject.

The Dance of Adoptive Parenting: A Podcast Episode

Recently I had the honor to be a guest on Lori Holden‘s award-winning podcast, Adoption: The Long View. Our topic was “The Dance of Adoptive Parenting: When to Lead and When to Follow.”

I am still certainly a work in progress as a parent, even as my children are all adults and I have two granddaughters. We need to keep learning, and making mistakes, and remaining curious, I think, even as our children grow up. The impact of adoption is lifelong.

Here are a couple of pull quotes from the podcast:

If you have a chance to listen to the podcast, please let us know your thoughts. Thank you!

In addition to hosting her podcast, Lori is a writer, workshop leader, adoption coach, and adoptive parent. Her newest book is Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations From Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies” The book’s other co-editors are Sara Easterly (an adoptee) and Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (a birth parent). It will be published December 1; you can pre-order it here.

I am among those quoted in the book, and am looking forward to the publication and to the conversations the book creates. The adoption community is incredibly active these days, with podcasts, books, and more. Lots of voices, some conflicts, some challenges, lots to think about.

Some Words from our Ethiopian Poets, on National Poetry Day

Lions Roaring Far From Home Anthology

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Today is National Poetry Day in the UK. While poetry can (and should) be celebrated all year round, we thought today might be a good day to celebrate our “Lions Roaring” poets.

Here are some excerpts.

Andi Tarikua Cass from the US wrote about being a “Warrior of the Lion:”

“i come from a place of fighters, warriors, brave people who never backed down from what they believed in…”

Hana from Canada wrote a “Brave Family Song:”

“We have one family that is in Ethiopia, Ethiopia.

And one family that is in Canada, Canada.

I love this FAMILY so much.”

Helen Rose Samuel from the US shared a poem she had written in memory of her beloved brother Fisseha: “The Art of Goodbye.”

“Who taught you, of knots and ties, to sever?

Who taught you the art of goodbye?

Who failed to teach you the art of goodbye?

Perhaps, then, your goodbye wouldn’t have been forever.”

Australian Tamieka Small‘s poem is “Waiting For When the Sky Won’t Fall:”

“You don’t know what it’s like

To look at the people who love you,

Expecting to see a reflection.

But you see nothing at all,

a blank canvas, a ghost, a wall.”

Heran Tadesse, raised in the Netherlands and now repatriated to Ethiopia, wrote about “Home:”

“Home is where my soul finds healing

And my being becomes whole

Living my dream

And witnessing the unseen

Dance through life

Synchronise to rhythm

Seek and find

Home within.”

Deep gratitude to each of these poets for sharing themselves in the powerful words of their poems.

The cover of the book "Lions Roaring" is a painting of an Ethiopian woman with one hand on her hip and the other on the back of a roaring lion.