At a recent meeting of folks in the adoption community (adopted people. adoptive parents, birth parents), we got to talking intensely about some daunting issues, including grief and confusion among adoptees who are worried about citizenship and deportation, not necessarily for themselves but for others. They worry and pray for the adoptees who have been deported. The adoptees in this meeting all had proof of their U.S. citizenship and none had committed any crimes, so legally they weren’t among those who might end up in detention centers or worse.

Even so, many adoptees, especially Black or brown folks, including if not particularly those raised in predominantly white communities, are worried about being caught up in an ICE raid. They wonder if having been born in another country, whether Mexico or Korea or Russia or elsewhere, makes them vulnerable, or “less than,” or susceptible to dirty looks or worse. Even if they are not worried for themselves, they are worried about fellow adoptees, and about anyone who feels compelled to carry around their passport all the time, just in case.

Many adoptees wonder if their white parents and family and friends can truly understand what they are dealing with every time they read the news, or walk down a busy street, or consider traveling.

We closed our meeting by having everyone share one word about how they were feeling: words like rage, grief, exhaustion, fear, and overwhelmed were a theme.

Everyone also shared one thing that brought them joy. I really appreciated the chance to pause and think about that. I hope you will take a moment to focus on what brings you joy right now.

For many folks, it was a connection with nature: looking at the ocean, maybe seeing a whale, watching monarch butterflies feast on milkweed, seeing fabulous birds (this becomes more important with age, I grant you), and simply feeling a nice breeze while walking outside.

A couple of us also mentioned crafting (sewing, for example) and art. Here’s a collage I did recently, using a photo transparency.

And of course, beloved friends and family often bring joy as well.

Sometimes, finding joy within family is hard, when folks are far away (emotionally or geographically), or they are dealing with medical or mental health or financial or work issues. We all carry burdens and sorrows; I am not sure why we are not then more kind to each other these days.

That brings me back to the grief and confusion that we felt in the meeting, and that many folks are feeling now. It’s okay and understandable to feel those things. Maybe focus also on feeling joy, even in the midst of sadness or anger. We need to tip our hearts that way. Small steps and all that, meandering toward compassion and hope.