Because his adoptive parents spoke publicly about his death, I am sharing the news of the March 6 passing of Mekbul Timmer, an Ethiopian adoptee. I cannot imagine the heartbreak the family is enduring, and I send the deepest of condolences.
He was adopted by Jeff and Mattie Timmer of Michigan. Jeff Timmer is a political and media consultant who works with the Lincoln Project; both Jeff and Mattie have a substantial social media presence. Jeff posted on his Twitter feed various photos and information about Mekbul, including this obituary.
The family makes no mention of suicide as a cause of death—but neither do they give any other cause. Mekbul was 18 years old, adopted from Ethiopia (per the obituary posted by Jeff Timmer) when he was 11, as best I can tell from the obituary.
Because the family has been so public, we will include Mekbul Timmer’s name in the Dedication of our upcoming anthology of essays by Ethiopian adoptees, “Lions Roaring Far From Home.” We are dedicating the book to all Ethiopian adoptees who have died too soon, whether by suicide or other causes. We grieve as a community.
We know also how painful and searing a death by suicide of a young person can be not only to immediate family, but also to friends. Yes, the death is painful for those left behind at any age, but teens and young adults can often struggle a great deal with confusion, grief, and even suicidal ideation themselves.
I’ve written several times about adoption and suicide. I know it is a difficult topic at best. As a society, we are not good at talking about it. The popular narrative of adoption does not allow much room for adoptees who love their adoptive families and still struggle with depression or trauma. It doesn’t allow much room for adoptees who were failed or abused by their adoptive families either, and who deal with suicidal ideation.
Last October, I facilitated a webinar via United Suicide Survivors International called “Adoption and Suicide Prevention: Adult Adoptees Speak Out.” The powerful speakers were Jessenia Parmer, Amanda Transue-Woolston, Kevin Barhydt, and Lynelle Long. You can find the video of the webinar here.
United Suicide Survivors International has many excellent webinars and resources. Another resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255, available 24/7. The K-12 School Suicide Prevention info from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention may be useful also. Check out “How to Talk About Suicide” from Indian Health Services, There are “Resources for Youth and Suicide Prevention” on the page as well.
Jeff Timmer posted a thank you to the thousands of people across social media who expressed condolences. He included, “Please just love your kids and those close to you.” Absolutely.
I will add this, and I know it’s painful to even think about: Please learn and talk about suicide prevention with those you love.
May Mekbul rest in power and in peace. May his memory be a blessing.
Just curious if you’ve ever covered the adoption / LGBTGA+ / emotional health nexus. I’m not seeing a whole lot of this type of communication in the adoption community as if adopted kids don’t go through this … not that I’m saying it’s your job, lol. Also, sometimes I think I’m seeing two dominant scenarios when it comes to adopted children and associated mental challenges: the A type adoptee who is a jaw dropping success and the other type with an IEP and or other challenges. In the end, I’m actuality more worried about the former type and the insatiable need to please … But maybe I’m imagining associations / red flags or making gross generalizations. Just my thoughts.
I think you are highlighting several important points. Thank you. It is clear that we need much more research on the connection between adoption and suicide. The “two dominant scenarios” you mention are, I believe, very valid. And if we add in the nexus of adoption/LGBTQ2S+/emotional health, we see the need for even more research and awareness. I am hopeful that all of us in the adoption community will keep speaking out.